It is wrong to hurt so much?

Have you ever like, randomly crying, for no reason. You just burst out, and have no idea how to stop it. Well, I don't even know why, how do I know what to do to stop it. But, do I need to stop? Can't I just cry? 

What Jonghyun wrote in his suicide note was,

"Find out why am I hurting? I told you why. Is it so wrong to hurt so much? Do i need to have a more dramatic reason? A more specific reason?" - Kim Jonghyun

You're right Jonghyun. Do we all need a reason? What we need wasn't a solution, but just someone to listen to us. And tell us that "You've done well". That's all.

"Just tell me I've done well. That this is good enough. That I've worked hard. Even if you can't smile, don't fault me on my way" - Kim Jonghyun

Don't take people for granted. Don't judge. Because you don't know what they've been through. You don't know how it feels. 

Though I cannot express all of my feelings

"Though I cannot express all my feelings,

It's okay because you know everything and smile" 

- Jung Sewoon, Always

Annyeong. It’s been a while right. So, I decided to write something today after sooooo long. I haven’t write about this person before, but we’ve been close for quite a while now. Because I’ve always write about that one person, it’s kindda weird to write about another person tbh. But I want to remember this as well.

Through her (yes, she is a girl), I just knew that I have this huge ego inside me.

The old me would’ve keep any sadness or hurtful feelings within myself and never talk about it. I would suddenly become awkward with that person and slowly go away. Then that person won’t even know what’s wrong and had no idea that I was upset. And suddenly, we became strangers.

Obviously, she changed me. Because I know she would gladly befriend with me for who I am, I can freely tell her if I’m, sad or mad or upset. Then she would say why she did that or if it was just misunderstanding.

The old me wouldn’t even give a chance for the other person to explain themselves.

Thank you for being with me and being patience with me and telling me when I was wrong. I’m really glad that I’ve met you. Idk if you will ever read this, but if you do, annyeong.

I treasured all my friends. But my ‘ego’ might still be high for some of my friends. So, if you happen to read this, please text me first. If I ever upset you, please tell me so. 

있잖아..

It’s been a while. I really want to write again, for so long, but it just didn’t happen. Maybe this place is really dedicated to you. Because everything seems to be about you. And when it’s about you, I really want to write. Because I want to remember. But please don’t read this. It’s embarrassing.

You know, having a lot of feelings, like easily getting hurt or being sad, is better than having so little of them. It means, you will appreciate little things more. Having to be born with that should be a blessing. Why do I always hate myself for having such feelings? It hurts so much, like thousand times more than others would. Guess I have never seen it in a good way before.

I didn’t know that about you. Thank you. Thank you for letting me to love myself a bit.