Because This Life is Our First Life

This drama is pretty good, and very relatable. I mean, why do we have to hesitate? Why do we have to follow what people said and not our heart? How should we know if it is bad or good if we never tried? Isn’t it better to know what our decision lead to rather than regretting to never have a chance to choose it? Isn’t it better to blame ourselves for our own decision rather than blaming someone else for their decision for us?

So this is what I think, because this is the first life for all of us, a lot of things we’re going through for the first time. Let’s just give the best out of it. Make decision that we won’t regret, even if we failed. Because that’s what make the life beautiful.

We’ll still be making a lot of decisions later, so think through it, and don’t be afraid to try.

“Because going through this life is the first time for all of us anyway” – Nam Sehee

- BECAUSE THIS IS OUR FIRST LIFE END -

I'm Blown Away

I’ve been writing quite often now. So, I’m currently watching ‘While You Were Sleeping’ and honestly, I don’t have high expectation from it. Maybe it was just another ‘typical Lee Jongsuk Drama’ but still, Lee Jongsuk was my first actor crush after watching ‘I Hear Your Voice’ and that drama is still on my No. 1 best drama ever so I decided to just watch it. I mean, I’ve watched a lot of Lee Jongsuk’s drama and I just love all of them. Most of his dramas were really good and I trust his type of drama.

So while watching this drama, I can’t help but feeling amazed by every scenes, every cases, every characters they portrayed. It’s like, the sequel for ‘I Hear Your Voice’, the sequel that I’ve been waiting for years. I don’t know it’s Lee Jongsuk or SBS that made the drama awesome, but their combination is the best. There’s other dramas like ‘Hello Monster’, ‘The Girl who Sees Smells’ and ‘Yongpal’ that gives similar vibes to typical Lee Jongsuk Drama (I hear your voice, Pinocchio, Doctor Stranger, W), where every episodes has different cases and I can’t help but being curious of the case and it never fails to blow me away.

There’s this one case that I still remember for ‘I Hear Your Voice’. They were twins arrested for murdering after robbing a store. One twin claimed that he didn’t know his brother would kill the man. So one became suspect and one became witness. While investigating, the lawyer got to know that the twins actually planned for it, they were accomplice. So the lawyer decided to work with the prosecutor, claimed the twin to be guilty, and used the other twin’s testimony to act as evidence against him. They got both twins arrested. The chief said, “You did well today, but today you were not a lawyer, you were a prosecutor”. You know the difference? Prosecutor put the suspect in jail, but lawyer save the client regardless whether they did the crime or not. It’s the lawyer’s responsibility to protect their client. If the criminal was released despite committing the crime, it’s the prosecutor’s fault, and not the lawyer despite the lawyer knowing the client did the crime.

Then this one case in ‘While You Were Sleeping’. A famous person (woman) died and nobody has come to her house except for one guy who came to fix the internet. He became the prime suspect. Everyone is preparing to punish him, but there were no evidence of him killing the woman, but there were also no evidence that he didn’t kill the woman. While the prosecutor tried to indict him, they couldn’t find any evidence to proof him guilty. But the whole nation wanted that guy to be punished. It would be easier for the prosecutor to indict him, but if he’s innocent, then the prosecutor should prove his innocence. Because prosecutor doesn’t belong to any side but the truth.

So this has actually corrected my perception of prosecutor. And of course, I’m blown away by the case and how they solve it. Watch it if you’re curious because it’s really a long case.

“We prosecutors should not turn innocent people into criminals” – Park Dae Young            

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING EPISODE 10

I have a story

Remember when I said I like writing? To be honest, I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I’ve tried to write tons of time. But then one day, I realized, I can’t write. I have nothing to write about. I want to write a good story, but nothing came to my mind. When I thought of a good story, then I lost my way while writing, and it just vanished. Sometimes, it just became some stories that I’ve seen or read, like, some stories that I just copied. Because I don’t know what to write. So I kept this blog, so that I can write whenever I felt like writing, and whatever I wanted. Just write freely, that’s more than enough. 

So, now that I’m finally writing again, let me tell you this story. 

I have a friend, she’s always thinks of others. Whatever happened to her, she always thought that it was her fault. She always blamed herself and sometimes punished herself.

Then there is this one guy that always thinks of himself. Whatever happened to him, it was never his fault, it was always others and there’re always someone to be blamed.

Their house are quite close to each other, not more than 10 minutes by car I guess. So, this boy often asked for a ride from this girl. This girl, being nice as always, always give him a ride, without any charge. Often, this girl would have to wait for the boy outside his apartment, usually around 10 minutes, but sometimes more, and sometimes she just turn off her car engine because it took too long. Then this one day, the girl was late, so she rushed as fast as she could to pick up the boy. When she arrived, the boy said, “Lambatnya. Lama tau tunggu”. And the girl kept apologizing. The story just ended like that, with the boy blaming the girl, and the girl kept blaming herself.

Weird right? That these kind of people actually exist. Someone too selfless, and someone too selfish. While she was telling me the story, and while I was telling her stop being too good, she just realized, why was it her fault? Why did she kept blaming herself? She had never complained to have wait for the boy before, never did the boy apologize after kept her waiting. Why was it her fault?

Because that’s how she thinks, and because that’s how the boy thinks. Honestly, she would never realize that if I hadn’t told her.

People are different. The way they think, and the way they live their life are different. So never tell them you understand, because you never really do. Instead, tell them what their fault is so they can fix it. So I told the girl to be a bit selfish, to think of herself too, and never let people step on her. Luckily, the girl stop blaming herself too much. But the boy still blamed others, because nobody told him what his fault was.

Your courage was a small coal that you kept swallowing

I think I’m better now. I used to have this huge stage fright that made me so afraid of talking to a large crowd. I’m not really sure if I had those anymore, but most probably I still have it. But we don’t do powerpoint presentations anymore so I can’t really test myself. And I don’t even know why I had such fear. Suddenly, I just can’t make eye contacts, I have to stick to my script or I’ll went blank and if people starts asking questions, I’ll be shivering and my heart just beats like I’ve just run a marathon or something. Weird.

Lately, we’ve been doing a lot of poster presentations. Like, tons of them. And I just have to present to one evaluator at a time. Weirdly, I found myself not nervous at all. Well, with tons of practice ofc, I can never do things spontaneously, I just can’t. So during the poster presentations, I’m so relax, everything I practiced just went smoothly, and when the evaluator asked some questions, whether I can answer it or not, my heartbeat just remain the same. Weird.

I thought I’m getting better. But then I realized something. Because I was confident. When there were too many people, there’ll be lots of expectations, and I tend to think of what others might think of me and that kindda make me feel anxious. But when I knew who my evaluator would be, and I’m prepared for that particular person, I can be confident.

Everything was going so well, just a little bit too well, and guess what, on my last presentation, the evaluator will be someone I’d want to avoid the most. I don’t think I can be confident anymore. I think I’m going to ruin it. The anxiety is killing me. And I don’t know what to do. It’s so hard to be brave, to be strong, when you’re so scared.

So I decided to watch movie HAHAHA. To the Bone. It’s really good honestly. Not curing my nervousness though but still good enough to make me forget about it for a moment. I need that. That’s what I always do anyway. Rather than trying to overcome it, I just run and hide then forget about it.

Let’s just go through this, one last time. Why is it so hard. Even while writing this, my heart is beating like crazy. I’m so scared.

I’m Gonna Call You Keith

So, I have just finished this amazing movie ‘Keith’. Well, I finished it at 4 AM last night so I wasn’t able to write after the movie ended as I needed my sleep. So, what about this movie? Please don’t read this if you haven’t watch the movie, I’m thinking of writing some spoilers here. And trust me, the movie is beyond amazing.

So, why Keith? Actually, the character Keith reminds me a lot of you. Keith was like so mysterious, full of secrets, never really let anyone pierce into him or his life, full of theories and ideas, pretends that he was dumb but actually a genius, and didn’t truly show his emotion. Just like you. Or maybe the old you, if you have changed, or grew up.

He played roleplay randomly, just like you used to. He just did everything and anything that crossed his mind, and just had fun. He would give this amazing quotes and theories, well, you know what you used to be like, right. You would always have theories of everything, and was like the most genius person I’ve ever met. I don’t know if you really was observing everything or just simply talking garbage (I wanted to write sh*t but it won’t be appropriate). Then you would give amazing advises and quotes, and I would just be wowed by it. How can a twelve years old boy (until fifteen I think) be so matured and cool and amazing? Keith said that he’d just want to drive his yellow truck that he loved so much and doesn’t think much of his future. Well, you always wanted to be a postman because you don’t like to work in cramped office, you wanted to work outdoors with the breeze, while riding your motorcycle. Well, at least you have a dream of your own, no matter how bizarre and nonsense it is, you just don't care, or don't want to care. Keith and you always had everything planned that only you guys know. Nobody can really figure out what's going on inside the head of yours. And then you would just do it, as you pleased. You guys don't really give presents, instead, you guys gave meanings and feelings. Keith gave a part of his truck engine for Natalie to just assemble and figure it out herself. While you, you gave things like sim card, bread clip, and poem. I'm sure there's some more but I just couldn't really remember. So if you asked me what I wanted for birthday or anything, I wouldn't ask for materials but I would ask for meanings and feelings. Because that is you. Both of you have so many secrets, so mysterious like nobody should know what’s deep inside you guys. Keith’s big secret was that he had cancer and was dying. I don’t know what your big secret is but at least you don’t have cancer, I hope.

I had so many things to write yesterday but I can’t think of anything today that I feel like this writing is really bad. But one thing I really want you to know, that you’re amazing and I’m glad I met you. I’ve been idolized you ever since I knew you, until now actually. You’re just, different. No matter how many people I’ve met in my life, nobody can be compared to you. You’re simply just amazing. Trust me, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I hope you still have those in you. Well, you still give me good advises, you still have those theories, and you still talks garbage so yeah, probably you’re still the same.

"We're here in a yellow truck a road ahead of us and nothing but opportunities" - Keith

Just Another Scribble

Hey. You know, I’ve been thinking of something that I really want to do. At first, I wasn’t really sure of the road I’m taking, like, do I really want to be in medical field? Do I really like science? Do I really want to work in a hospital? Well, actually, yeah, that was like my ultimate dream since I was like eleven. But I have this fear of bloods and wounds so I prefer not to be a doctor though I used to think that I’m good enough and capable of being a doctor. So here I am, choosing a career path of a pharmacist. It wasn’t so bad, well, it’s really exhausting and sometimes I feel like this is too tough for me but overall, I kindda enjoying it.

But what do I really enjoy? Writing. I don’t know since when but I really enjoy writing. So that’s why this blog never really dies. I haven’t updated much since I don’t really have the time lately. But I really enjoy writing. Not the fiction type or novel stuffs, just writing. I like the sound that it makes everytime I clicked on the keyboard. I like to just imagine things and sometimes (well most of the time actually) I talked to myself pretending like I’m talking to someone. And I like it when I write whatever that comes to my mind. Like, just scribbling around my feelings.

Should I start on a travel blog? Since I travel a lot. But I’m not really the type of person who writes on something solid. I just like to write what’s on my mind at the time and let it flow, like now. So I don’t know if this is ever going to be a career though my father will give his full support if I wanted to be a writer. But I just don’t have the courage and confidence in myself. I don’t think I’m good enough. So I’m just gonna write as a hobby. Since I’m in movie mode this semester break (I’ve been watching like, four movies each day), I might want to write more.

Ps; just finished watching a movie about a writer, so yeah, that triggered me to write. I really want to write on depression next but the feeling hasn’t come yet (finished watching The Art of Getting By, It’s Kindda Funny Story, and According to Greta which all are about depression and they’re really good)

So, I’m either be writing about it or not.

I don’t know if anybody ever read this, but tbh, I read it. I love my writing. And I really want to remember this a few years later. So, gonna let it jeojang in here.