It’s been a while since the last
time I write. There’s so many things that I want to write, especially the first
few weeks since I moved here, but all those stories would be so depressing that
I don’t even have the mood to write. Since this is a happy story, at least for
me, I want to tell you. This is going to be really long.
This time, the ‘you’ is
different. It’s not the same you anymore.
You know, the first few weeks of
working there, I was so lonely. I didn’t know how to interact with anyone, the
environment was so unfamiliar, I was so scared, and every day I only wanted to
go home. I don’t really remember the first day I met you, but I remembered that
you talked to me as if we’ve known each other for years. You taught me this and
that, without being awkward at all. Somehow, I felt so comfortable. Your working
shift was unfair, you know? You always have to work at night and others would
always ask you to work on their night shift as well, so I rarely got to see
you. I can’t remember since when, but I kept waiting for you.
I was so slow in learning all the
process and the work, but you gladly taught me how. Everybody else doesn’t want
me to do the screening because it’ll take so much time, and they didn’t even
bother to teach me how to do it properly, but you did. You taught me how, one
by one, even I was slow and confused, you taught me patiently, and I was thankful
for that. You trusted me, and that was what I needed the most at that time. There’s
so many things that I lacked and needed to learn, so I would find you to ask,
because you would answer me without looking down at me, that’s how great you
are. While everyone else kept getting mad at me, looking down at me, lowering
my confidence level, you did the opposite. While everyone else made me feel
like an outsider, you made me feel that I’m not.
How did we became close?
After few days (like maybe five
days?) of not seeing you, I’m already better at working, well, a bit. I had to
dispense the medications during the time when you were working at night. So my
first few days of dispensing, you weren’t there. Days before that, you already
asked me if I wanted to learn on how to dispense but I wasn’t ready at that
time. But the next time we met, we were seating next to each other, and you
tried to teach me how to dispense. But I already learnt it so I said ‘haah
tahu. Aku dah start dispense dari minggu lepas lagi, dah buat error pun’, and
you were like ‘oh yeke? Error apa?’. It’s only been a few days but it felt so
long that there’s so many things happened to me during the time that you weren’t
there. Then you casually asked about the Pedoman and the newly opened store in
the hospital, which I knew nothing about so I couldn’t really answer your
questions so I just said ‘taktahu lah. Kau tanya orang yang salah hahaha’. Oh btw,
you’re like, way more older than me, everyone else called you ‘abang’ but it
just felt really weird for me to call you by that name and you just used ‘kau
aku’ with me so I decided to do the same, it felt less awkward anyway. I hope
it doesn’t sound rude to you. Since I already asked for you permission to call
you like that, we’re okay right? I know people will think I’m rude, but I don’t
even want to care. I just want to be close with you.
You know, during the days when
you weren’t there, I was miserable. No one really talked to me, though I did
befriended with the students, but not much with the staffs. I kept staring at
empty spaces, my mind was all over the places, and I can’t wait for the day to
end. Even on Monday, I can’t wait to meet Sunday. I didn’t really smiled, and I
felt like I almost fall into depression so I kept saying to myself to be strong
but it was so hard. One of the Pharmacist even asked if I was okay, because I looked
like I would cry in any seconds. I was such in a bad state. But it took you
only one day to make me feel okay, and I was never that sad anymore, at least
until now.
I don’t know when it started, but
slowly, I’m falling for you. You don’t know right? You’re probably nice to
everyone. So I secretly wanted to know more about you, made excuses to talk to
you, did my work at the pc when you’re sitting next to it. I didn’t even have
to try to talk to you, because whenever I’m close to you, you’d always talked
to me first. You asked me where I’m from (typical question from everybody
here), where and with whom I live here, why did I chose to come here, how much
is my rent free, did I drove here. But everytime you asked me anything, I kept
adding more to my answer compared to how I answered others, did you know that? Because
I want to keep talking to you. Now I’m even scared of myself. I even secretly
waited for you to go home by pretending to play with my phone. If you knew what
I secretly did, you’d probably be scared too. Luckily, I’m not a ghost (you’d
probably be the only one who’d understand this reference, if you ever read this).
I even searched for your FB, ig, and even googled your full name, but nothing
came out. Guess you don’t have any of those, you really look like you’re not
active on social media. I even secretly saw you phone wallpaper, you didn’t even
change the original wallpaper. That’s cute. You even have a really nice scent.
Strangely, I got the answers of
what I’m curious about you, in unexpected ways. I got to know that you drove
two hours to work everyday because you live quite far from here, which was very
shocking. You were so good at your work and I’m just amazed by every single
thing you did, so I got curious where did you graduated from. At first you
answered jokingly ‘aku belajar dekat UK ah, dekat Manipal tu’ and I was like ‘sejak
bila Manipal dekat UK’. Oh you really love to joke around and never really
answer things seriously, so the conversation would always ended up with your
nonsense jokes. But you know what, I like it. I really like someone who’s
childish and talk nonsense, weird, right? The next day, you still answered me
with nonsense joke, ‘aku dulu dapat surat tawaran pakai burung kot, datang dekat
tingkap’ and I laughed while saying, ‘macam Hogwards kan’ and you said ‘mcm
Hogwards’ at the same time as I did, then you laughed, ‘mcm mana kau tahu?’ ‘tahu
lah. Aku pun dapat jugak’. Slowly, I’m getting used to your jokes, and even
made similar jokes.
It was that Saturday, when we
started talking seriously. I told you about my housemate issues, about my
family, why I chose Pharmacy, and a lot more. Well, you kept asking, and I like
answering to you anyway. So naturally, you started talking about yourself as
well. So I got to know that you graduated from UiTM, ahh no wonder you’re so
good at your job, you studied well too. So I got to know why you chose Pharmacy
too, why you live so far away, what was your dream when you were little, how
long have you worked here, and a lot more. When I’m happy or too happy, like
extremely, I always said or did things that I might regret later, which I also
did on that day. I really hope you didn’t judge me badly and I didn’t get on
your bad side. The day after that went better actually, we got a lot closer so I’m
really happy. You know, you made me like you even more.
I’m glad that I always went to
you, because then you kept telling me stories. You did became comfortable with
me too, right? You randomly told me the story of the day your motorbike went
down, then your phone fell and got crushed by cars, you felt so tired that day
that you just wanted to sleep so you rented a motel. You were laughing while remembering
the story, so cute. You know, I really like seeing you laugh. Then I told you
about how my car went down few weeks after I got here and how I don’t have
anybody here. I thought you weren’t really listening to my story, but the next
day, you asked more about my car. Ahh so you were curious about my story too,
or am I delusioning? Then later that evening, you continued you motorbike
story, randomly ofc, saying that you bought toothbrush, took a shower at the
motel, and just went to sleep because you were too tired. But you forgot to
turn off the light. You said ‘aku terus tido, tak ingat aku tutup lampu ke tak
sbb penat sangat. Nasib baik takde hantu’, and I laughed like crazy, because
that’s how your story always ended like. You even asked if my rented house ada
hantu ke tak. So I responded, ‘mana kau tahu takde hantu?’ ‘sbb aku tak tutup
lampu hahaha’. You know what, I laughed for the whole day. I don’t know if it
was because I found your jokes very entertaining, or I just like you too much.
Few days ago, you friend told me
that you already like someone else. I didn’t tell anyone that I like you btw,
he sort of, just told me so yeah. I don’t know what to feel and how to feel at
that time. Honestly, I was sad, but I still hope he was mistaken. I don’t really
know if I even have a chance with you, but I really hope I do. But now, it
seems like I don’t. So, should I give up on you? Should I move on, like I always
did? Should I just keep this feeling to myself, again? But then again, you made
me happy by just liking you, even from far. You made me wanted to go to work
everyday, you made me feel so good that I don’t even realize it’s already
Sunday. You’re like, my reason.
You know, I would never confess
to you, because I never did to anyone, because I don’t have the confidence to
do so, because I don’t want to lose you as friend too. So I’m just going to
look at you from far, then slowly this feeling will go away too, right? Like they
always did. But for now, let me just like you for a little more.
See, I told you this is going to
be a long one.
