I wonder what I look like in your eyes

You know, I tend to be obvious. When I like someone, I don’t think much and just like that person as much as I could. I would want to be close to him, talk to him, or maybe just stare at him. Those little things just make me happy. So I thought, me being obvious is some sort of indirect confession. Did you notice that? Because everybody else did.

So, apparently, my secret is out. I unintentionally told someone that I like you. Well, I just told her that “when I like someone, I tend to be obvious” and she was like “is it who I was thinking?”, and I was like “is it too obvious?”. Obviously, it was obvious. So I wonder, did you see me?

So she told me to confess. But I’ve decided, I won’t. Because I’m waiting for you. Confessing isn’t as easy as it sounds. It needs lots of courage, which I don’t have. Because I’m afraid you don’t feel the way I do, because I’m afraid I was wrong, because I’m afraid if I’d rush you, because I’m afraid you’d run away, because I’m afraid of losing you even as friends, because I’m afraid you’re not ready, because I’m afraid you already have someone else, because I’m afraid my confession would be a burden to you, because I’m afraid it’d push you away. I think too much, didn’t I?

Two days ago was your birthday and I gave you a can of coffee. Did you know how much thought I put in that can of coffee? There’s this one book that you wanted so I thought maybe I could give you that book as a present, but then I thought maybe it could be too burdensome. I tried to think of something else but everything just seems obvious that I think too much. So I saw this can of coffee. Then I remembered telling you that I like this coffee and you should try it. So I bought it. I didn’t even remove the price tag so you’d think I didn’t put much effort on it. Because I didn’t want to burden you. I even rehearsed my line a few times so that it’d go smoothly. You happily accepted it so I was glad. But did you know how trembling I was when giving you that? My heart was beating so fast I might need to take Inderal.

Lately, you called my name a lot. I really like that. I like the way you call my name. You smiled a lot too. Lately, I became more confuse than ever. Because I already like you too much. So this is the best that I can do, waiting.

Time, please stop

“The most important thing is understanding each other’s speed. Walking beside each other, and matching your pace”

 – Just One Bite

Today, I liked it. I like today very much. I like how we talked about random things, I like how you kept talking more about yourself, I like how you kept listening to me, I like how you opened yourself up, I like the way you smile when you look at me, I like the sound of my heart beating for you, I like that you tried to match with my pace, I like just being with you.

You used to walk very fast, but today you didn’t. You just walked beside me and followed my pace, and I liked it very much. Because that’s what I always did, I tried to match with your pace, so having you done it instead, felt great.

You know, I’ve been so into this song, ‘Me After You’ by Paul Kim.

After meeting you, I became happy for the smallest things

When we understand each other about little things, I got surprised by the fact that we got used to each other

Just like now when it’s peaceful, I want to be with you forever

I thought of that as I was looking at you

After meeting you, I became happy and able to love you so much

Let’s walk forward together

After meeting me, you’re happy too, right?

I’m selfish and lacking, but I wanted to be good to you

I became really comfortable around you, honestly, I wanted this to stay for a long time. I guess I’m falling too hard for you, but I don’t want to get up. I want to keep falling. Because the happiness is worth the pain.

I want today to stay.