Honestly, the level of me liking
you is unhealthy. I just, like you too much. The past few days has been so
great that I’m scared. I’m scared that if I got hurt, won’t it hurt greatly as
well?
We spent most of our lunches
together, so we talked a lot, sometimes just random stuffs and sometimes we got
really deep into something. Like we were talking about books and novels and how
much you enjoyed reading, and how I used to read a lot. You made me wanted to
read again, so here I am, actually in the middle of reading the novel you lent.
There’s so many things I wanted to ask but somehow, I couldn’t build the
courage to start the conversation first. I feel as if I’d annoy you or push you
away, and I hated that. So I’d wait until you started the conversation first. But
lately, it seems like you don’t know where to start either.
You’d randomly annoy other people
or just simply joked around but you didn’t do that to me, anymore. You’d make
jokes about others and tell me about them. Ahhh but sometimes you did, when I made
few mistakes because I was distracted, you’d say ‘apeni Anis. Eii apeni Anis’,
and somehow that made me smile. I liked it when you say my name. Lately, you
seemed pretty distracted too. That’s really cute, you know.
Today, I noticed something was
wrong with me. I saw you were joking around with the students and I somehow got
jealous. I don’t like seeing you smile when you’re not with me. I think I got greedy.
I want you to only smile at me. I wanted to always be next to you, close to
you. You know, this morning, even when we’re just sitting next to each other
without talking, my heart was beating so fast that I thought it’d burst.
Actually, last week, some guy
approached me. We’ve met exactly three times and he boldly asked to take a
picture with me, eventually asked for my number. Then, he started texted me. This
kind of things doesn’t happen often to me. I’m not that pretty for someone to actually
fall at first sight. I was grateful, but confused at the same time. What was
he? Why now? Why did he appear when I’m already falling for someone else? Does it
means that I’m falling for the wrong guy? Or was he just a test for me? A lot
of things were spinning in my head. Then I decided to give him a chance, since
there’s nothing between us anyway and I thought it would be unfair to push him
away without giving a chance. But the more I knew him, the more I like you. The
more I compared him to you, the more I see the good in you. Weird, right? Knowing
him made me like you more, made me realize that finding someone like you wasn’t
easy. You’re just beyond amazing. I’m really sorry to him, but I like you too
much, I don’t think I’m able to see anybody else. I wish you’d see me too.
